ad·mi·ra·tion

/ˌadməˈrāSH(ə)n/ noun something regarded as impressive or worthy of respect

Last week, I went to lunch with someone I admire. This person has achieved success across several different measures, and while that’s admirable, the overwhelming sense of happiness and joy I experience every time we talk is the real source of my admiration. The banter is friendly with an undertone of sarcasm. No topic seems off limits, and the respect is mutual and feels infinite.

The irony of this lunch is that there was a moment when I saw four people that I used to know. I’ll use the phrase ‘used to know’ because despite being mere feet apart, not an ounce of eye contact was made. Had any one of them had the courage to even look, they would have been met with a smile and a quick ‘hi.’ 

I can’t count the number of times over the past few weeks that I have said “courage is hard” in different conversations.

I’ve always believed that magic happens when willingness and capacity intersect, but when we aren’t willing to talk (or listen), capacity becomes irrelevant. I’ll unpack that concept more some other day.

During yesterday’s walk, where we all enjoyed some much-needed fresh air and sunshine (which my allergies are now reacting to), I continued listening to How Minds Change. A specific narrative in the book struck like a lightning bolt. I made an abbreviated note of it: To change minds, you have to change hearts.

Let that sink in for a moment.

No amount of logical debate will convince a person to change their mind if they don’t feel a connection in their heart. Something gets lost between thinking and feeling when it comes to our closely held beliefs.

One need look no further than politics (pick any level at this point) to see examples in action.

I’ve long been a proponent of the FAFO premise, and wow is the FO narrative showing up in social media comments.

Now, take a minute and think about how much time you devote to consuming negative things. 

Political divisiveness.

Almost every single comment on a ‘news’-related social media post.

The weather.

The current condition of an investment account.

The cost of healthcare…or eggs.

So. Much. Yuck.

And if all you consume is yuck, that’s what you are feeding your mind day in and day out.

It’s the reason why unhappy people are…never happy (unless the source of happiness is watching someone else be unhappy, and that’s pretty f*d up if you really think about it). 

One of the other things I wrote down yesterday was that ‘growth comes from failure.’ 

Another way to say it is resilience is built through adversity. That’s probably a better way to say it and a great example of why jotting down notes in the moment will often lead to a better product in the end.

One of the conscious choices I’ve made for this year is to relentlessly focus on the pursuit of joy.

The joy the husky brings me when his big feelings are being emoted through a series of very sassy how-woos.

The joy the sun brings when the crystal in my front window casts rainbows around the room.

The joy of watching the cats perched on my office desk gazing mischievously at the birds in the now budding maple tree.

The joy of moments, big or small.

As we get ready to embark on our next travel adventure, one of my writing exercises is to craft a series of journal entries about the people I admire and why.

I’ve already started a mental list, which includes people I know and people I will probably never have the opportunity to meet but hold great admiration for.

It’s an exercise that will help prompt some of the important elements of the book I am writing.

Speaking of prompts…

Mindset alchemy is a choice: Do you admire the resilience or regret the adversity?

March 7, 2025

End Note: One of the things that struck me while reading How Minds Change is that so much of the leadership training I received in the first two decades of my career was entrenched in using the mindset of “I think.” So much so, that using the word “feel” felt discouraged. And once that pathway is built, it’s hard to rebuild differently. The thing about adversity is that it provides you the opportunity to reflect and rebuild. You get to trash the old mindsets in favor of better ones, and that’s pretty damn cool.